Tuesday, May 24, 2011; 8:35am

I woke up this morning
Death weighing heavy on my brain
I thought of all the options available to me
I know there are several things in this life worth living for
But this life isn’t even mine
So I decided that I would bring this sad existence to a halt
This isn’t life
It isn’t even survival
I feel I’d be better off dead
A nine to the temple
Two slit wrists
Several pain killers to take off the edge
While the blood flows
I begin to drift
The life I gave up plays in my head back to back
Stuck between heaven and hell
Love departed and hate took refuge where love once thrived

Mine

Heaven ensnared me the night before
A living miracle thrust me to want more
I can’t explain this remarkable feeling
I received more than just sexual healing
A passionate pleasure with perfect intensity
This love is so mysterious it almost diminished me
Intimate encounters include a soul mate & I
Heaven in a sweet bliss & natural high
It’s some kind of wonderful that only GOD can define
And I was blessed to witness it & call it mine

i witnessed the temple burning
she who creates life
wistfully witnessed the incineration of her own organ

Attached

joined, fastened together
bound, connected, enlisted
affliated, accompanied
associated
don't unfasten the loop that holds us together
don't shred the only slither of hope left available
don't abandon the voyage, you can see this thing through
steady the path, weather the storm
see this journey to it's end, retrieve the pot of gold
rely on me, lean on my heart, follow my scent, hear my voice, see me, SEE ME
the ambitious achieve, motivation exists, encouragement persists

God Bless Us All

God, grant us the Serenity 2 accept the things we cannot change, the Courage 2 change the things we can, the Wisdom 2 know the difference. Patience for the things that take time. Appreciation for all that we have & Tolerance for those with different struggles. Freedom 2 live beyond limitations of our past ways, the Ability 2 feel your love for us & our love for each other & the Strength 2 get up & try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

My actions are often times misunderstood
I wish everyone would stop taking everything I do so personally
I just enjoy the driver seat of my ride
It puts me in positon
Positions my mind to soar and seek
Propel forward
Leads to thoughts of excellence
But typically I need to think these thoughts in seclusion
In my solitude I bring thoughts to LIFE

He is the start to my finish
The end to my beginning
Once inside... I can feel myself lost
Releasing control
Exhale... release... inhale
Deep... deep... deeper
Weak... weak... weaker
Knees buckle
Submitting
Submissive
Submission

Is it this House?

Sitting
Sometimes on the floor
Sometimes in a very small chair
Staring in each & every corner
of every single room
Standing
Alone
A feeling not new to me
Yet. . .
New to ME
HELP!
Please, someone provide an escape...

Undeserved Favor

Undeserved Favor
by:Jewell Mimms Ridley

Your enduring favor rests upon me
For reasons I cannot begin to explain
Your grace has surely saved me
Your love for me has never changed

How could anyone possibly believe
That I have the favor of You?
My life has been not one would envy
Dreams unfulfilled, Plans not coming through

Doesn’t favor mean You want the very best?
Doesn’t favor mean I am better than the rest?
If you knew favor meant you might have to suffer
Would you want the favor of God or turn to another?

Favor can sometimes mean that you will be chosen
To take the narrow path to see if you will be broken
To be tried and tested by the world and its limitations
To come out on the other side
With peace, joy, and celebration

I know in my spirit I have the favor of God
I thank him daily and give him glory
I know in my life I have the grace of God
Because I am still here to tell my story

© 2009 Jewell Mimms Ridley